I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
