Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
