just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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