I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
