I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think people are normalizing furries
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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