why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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