honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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