i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
