And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
