new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
