Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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