There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
