rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
