we're chasing vodka with high fives
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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