I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
