college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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