So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
