shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
