I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
