i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
