the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
