i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
