Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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