they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize