How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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