I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
