all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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