I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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