so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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