dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
4 words: hood of his car
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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