I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
