all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
