I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
