I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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