wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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