I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
