my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
