Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
