he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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