i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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