i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
