I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
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Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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