i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
