Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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