I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think people are normalizing furries
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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