I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
did i just pee glitter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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