I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
