i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
