She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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