he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Couch. On fire.
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