Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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