he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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