guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
