Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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