I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
