Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
