the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
