why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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