Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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