Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
