WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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