Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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