I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
