well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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