This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
