This is not my ceiling
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
