your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
