i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
