Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
