I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
