i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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