apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
