grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
