You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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