he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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