I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
