Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
