So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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