Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
