I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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