if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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