i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
