I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
