i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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